The Dark Side of Social Niceness and Agreeableness

We live in a time of heightened isolation and loneliness. Fuelled by partisan views and social media,  a dichotomy of views in gender, religion, culture,politics, economic status ,healthcare and education do not leave many safe spaces for healthy discourse. As a society in western civilization, it is a time of fragmented family units/relationships and communities. There is an unhealthy social and relational adaptation that I will address as an over-politeness , an approach of agreeableness and avoidance of discourse that studies have shown has serious individual health implications and societal breakdowns. The intention for over-politeness and constant agreeableness is to avoid an uncomfortable interaction , judgment from others and ostracism in society. This culture of agreeableness that would seemingly be acceptable and preferable, in truth, is not healthy for anyone nor sustainable. Without working on and establishing healthy boundaries, both internally and externally , without working on honesty about one’s own feelings and needs, and establishing them in healthy ways to oneself, family and friends , coworkers etc. , being the nice person , the polite person is exhausting and will likely open up feelings of resentment, passive aggressiveness, internalizing/suppressing one’s emotions and potentiating emotional outbursts and unpredictable reactions. Oppressing and denying one’s own opinions,emotions and thoughts invites internal criticism and recrimination of oneself, fueling low self esteem, depression and anxiety. And it can also potentiate societal alienation through avoidance of social situations.

Being honest with one’s thoughts , needs and emotions while establishing boundaries for oneself and to the outside world through assertiveness in one’s communication with others, in a calm  and respectful manner is possible while still being nice.
Providing safe spaces for discourse or healthy debate in society is imperative to a progression of ideas , and expression of individual thought. Anything less invites stagnation in creativity and imagination as well as a disconnectedness in society in general. Perhaps this is why anxiety and loneliness are at such extremely high levels today, most especially with our youth.
Humans are social creatures, at a biological level and a mental and spiritual level. Human interaction builds our resistance to viruses and diseases through an exchange of bacteria,balancing our gut biomes. Laughter, touch, sharing and working together towards common goals stimulates our happy hormones, gets our blood circulating, gets our bodies moving , reminds us that we are alive and matter.
Humans have differences. Of course. But humans also share much more in common. And humans need humans. Period.

What will it take to build trust again in society? How can we in-still a strong sense of self and confidence in our youth again? I do not have the answers but I do know we must try to find out.

HealthyDiscourse#HumansNeedHumans#OverpolitenessOppresses#KindnessTrumpsLikeableness